Overparenting Anonymous

OVERPARENTING ANONYMOUS:
A 13 step program for those who feel powerless over overindulgence, overprotection, overscheduling and expectations of perfection.

1. Don’t mistake a snapshot taken today with the epic movie of your child’s life. Kids go through phases.

2. Before you nag, criticize, praise or over-explain remember the slogan W.A.I.T.: “Why am I talking?” Listen four times more than you talk.

3. Be alert but not automatically alarmed. Ask them what they are seeking in you: a listener, a consultant or an advocate?

4. Don’t confuse children’s wants with their needs.

5. Recognize that your child’s grades or varsity ranking is not the measure of your worth as a parent. Your child is not your masterpiece.

6. Learn to love the words “trial” and “error.” Let your child make mistakes before going off to college. Grant freedom based on demonstrated responsibility and accountability, not what all the other kids are doing.

7. Don’t fret over or fix what’s not broken.  Accept your child’s nature even if he’s shy, stubborn, moody or not great at math. The rabbis caution: If your child has a talent to be a baker, don’t ask him to be a doctor.

8. Resist taking the role of sherpa, butler, crabby concierge, talent agent, a crack team of defense attorneys, an ATM or the secret police. Your child is hard-wired for competence.

9. When your child doesn’t get the cool English teacher, make the team, get a big part in the play, or gets ejected from the in-group remind yourself that disappointments are necessary preparation for adult life.

10. Emphasize ordinary chores and jobs along with schoolwork and extracurriculars while accepting that chores will get done on AST (Adolescent Standard Time).

11. Give your kids time to play…lest they to sue you for stealing their childhoods.

12. Don’t take it personally if your teenager treats you like crap. They have pre-trip jitters. They’re getting ready for the journey of life.

13. Put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your child. Start by looking at the website: when parents text for a tender, witty perspective on generational differences.